Jamaal Pettway

How to Honor Your Inner Child .2022

Children, earth’s mightiest heroes. Says no one. Like ever. But all heroes have been children. And when we look at superheroes and their origin stories, they all have troubled pasts and childhood trauma. Batman: his parents murdered in front of him. Superman: an orphan who is the last of his kind. Both icons chose the path of Justice and protected those who cannot protect themselves. A valiant and admirable trait… Then that brings me to the villains. Just like our aforementioned heroes they too tend to have a difficult upbringing. The Joker: raised by an abusive drunk father. Lex Luthor: abuse and childhood poverty. The line between becoming a hero and a villain is as thin as they come. The things that happen to you as a child shape who you will be as an adult. Healing your inner child is more important today than it’s ever been. With all the modern advances at our disposal to destroy others and oneself, it is imperative that healing takes place. This healing or better-termed honor; your inner child will be the topic of this video. I have been an elementary art teacher for 4 years so my comprehension of the trauma that develops as a child is circumstantially quite high. Through my personal experiences and research, I have created a step process to help aid you on your journey of healing and honoring your inner child.

Step one: Recognize and Release

This first step is arguably the most important. The starting position of any race is seen as imperative to the outcome. You will start by first recognizing that you are still a child. You still have so much to learn about yourself and life in general. You are still in an adolescent state in terms of understanding what brings you joy and what brings you despair. Recognize the inner child as who they are. Refer to your inner child by your name or maybe a childhood nickname. Begin to visualize yourself as a child. What did you look like? What grade are you in? What hairstyle did you have? What were your favorite pieces of clothing? Notice that the age of your inner child can change depending on the mood you’re in. More importantly, you should mark the ages that associate with trauma. For example: At 12 the crush I had, had chosen to go to the movies with a group of our friends. I was invited to go but the movie that was playing at the time was Twilight. Growing up in a Christian home did not lend well to entertainment so “secular”. In other words, I was not allowed to attend. That Monday news around the school was that my well-known crush had kissed another boy. Prior to them going to the movies she told me that she wanted to date me and that the next weekend we would agree on a movie that I could see. She did not honor the said agreement. She had kissed another guy and on top of that, she moved me from her top 5 on MySpace. Betrayed. Deceived. Heart Broken. What was I to do? I was a 12-year-old boy who was not comfortable speaking with anyone about

what had transpired. My parents seemed too Godly, and my friends were just as clueless about what to do. So, I did what most young men do. I dug myself a hole a jumped into it. I became cold towards the opposite sex and was generally disinterested in being friendly toward anyone. In this situation, it works to identify the emotions of not only myself, but the parties involved.

I must put myself in the other person’s shoes and see their thought process. My crush was also 12. Unknowing what she was doing would scar me for life. She was unaware of how her actions can impact others. I am Releasing any animosity towards her and realizing that the universe and its inhabitants are not “Out to get me”. You can hold the people who have wronged you accountable but that does not intel the attack on your existence. If you feel comfortable enough it may be beneficial to speak with the said person about what happened. If you’re not as inclined, it will not do you any harm to continue your life without ever bringing it up. Your healing is self-sufficient. You are not shackled to someone else’s emotions or choices. You are the decider. You should forgive your trespasses and forgive yourself. You are worthy of a life filled with peace and tranquility.

Step Two: Listening Ears On

“God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason”. A saying that my grandmother would reiterate throughout her life. Often as children, our voices are silenced by the world. Children’s pain, concerns, and ideas are seen as asinine or trivial in their nature. Now is the time for you to listen to your inner child. What would they like to express? Where would they like to go? What do they want to do? Allot yourself the time and energy to sit with these emotions. Visualize your inner child having you as an adult as an ally. You are a safe place for them. They speak freely and express themselves freely. Whether it’s anger, sadness, or happiness. Absorb all that energy and transform it into something you can use today. Turn that childhood trauma into a testimony for others. Your testimony is assurance for others that all will work out for your betterment. You are not defined by the past but by your character. Ironically speaking your character can usually be noticed as a child. Take note of those similarities to you today and the younger you. Build off that. Turn your courage as a child into confidence as an adult. You will benefit greatly just from a sliver of positivity. You will also benefit from connecting to your playfulness. As adults, we don’t often have the time nor the energy to “play”. To move or just have fun doing something beneficial for yourself. Delve deep into what you found enjoying as a child. It may spark new interests as an adult. You might even make friends, which is difficult to do as a grown-up. If you have bodily limitations or any hindrance from physical movement let your creativity run free. Draw with crayons. Paint with your hands. Make a friendship bracelet. Do the things you loved most as a child.

Step Three: Fill in the Blanks
Now begins the tough work. In this third step, you will be homing in on all your trauma.

Identifying what brought you trauma is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. The “fill in the blanks” is both a command and a metaphor. Metaphorically speaking you are the only one who will be able to fill in your insufficiencies. It is up to you to pour into yourself. You are accountable for your well-being. You owe it to yourself to be the one person you can trust. BE THE ADULT YOU NEEDED! Now let’s figure out what you can be entrusted to do.

Identify people, places, and things you can recall from childhood. You can get specific with your questions and statements at any point. Your path is specific to you and allow yourself to be moved in whatever direction you feel is needed. Here are a few starter questions and statements to get you going.

I was never told that I was blank as a child.
I did not have anyone to show me how to blank as a child. My mother was blank to me. My father was blank to me.
I always felt blank around my blank.
I am still hurt by or when blank happened.
What was something you wish you had as a child?
Whom do you wish showed up more for you?
What was an embarrassing moment for you?
Who did not come to your aid when you needed it?
Were you physically harmed?
Were your emotions treated with care?

These questions and statements are here to be the framework for your healing. Knowing what to address is so important. Living in the unknown leads to behaviors that you aren’t in control of. Your actions and choices should be made with a clear mind. What you choose to allow in your life should be under your own criticism. Your character and self-respect should spearhead what you do in life!

Step Four: Extinguish the Fire

Sometimes the tool you need to fix a specific problem hasn’t been made. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing when it comes to honoring oneself. You can make the exact tool that you need to fix your problems. This allows you to rectify any problem that may arise if you follow these guidelines.

1. Build safe parameters so that while in your healing phase, you don’t damage the already adequate things. Make sure you account for your responsibilities. For example, chemotherapy damages healthy cells while trying to get rid of the bad. Look to use less lethal means for healing. Meditation, exercise, and therapy are great tools to get the job done.
2. Don’t be afraid to speak aloud to yourself. Take time out and hold a conversation with your inner child. Friendships work best when both parties speak to one another often and respectfully. You should have rules for engagement while speaking to yourself. No lying about your emotions and no insults. Any sort of self-inflicted pain is not tolerated. Your discretion will be crucial to what is allowed. This will obviously take some practice.
3. This practice is a balancing act. You must be willing to give, while also being willing to take. Give yourself the things you’ve always wanted to have as a child. Take out the things you’ve always wanted to get rid of. Hard decisions will have to be made and your surroundings will surely be impacted by this. Your peers will see a change in you and

that is perfectly normal. Your space and your area should have a new feel. Make your

“fantasy” a reality.
4. Service other children. Practice being an ally with actual children. You can use this to

help mirror the relationship you are having within yourself. You can find a lot of similarities to how you were as a child. Notice the things they say and do. What are their reactions to certain influences?

Step Five: Art Therapy

Ask for help! Seek out professional aid from a therapist. Look for a comfortable place to release things that may be hindering you from healing. Find something therapeutic for you. What I find that works best for most people I speak to is Art Therapy. Arts and crafts are a part of everyone’s childhood. It is a part of your development as an individual. Creating art can be daunting for some. Don’t be judgmental about your capability to make “good art”. Making “good art” is not the goal. The goal is to make something expressive. Sometimes using words can be difficult when it comes to explaining yourself. Often when someone has found true love, they are unable to express verbally what that feels like. The same can be stated about pain. I believe that some things are truly unexplainable. This brings me to the point of what is the difference between explaining and expressing.

Explain: to make something clear or easy to understand by describing or giving information about it.

Express: convey (a thought or feeling) by words, gestures, and conduct.

The difference here is the outward explanation, compared to the inward expression. The way and which your emotions reach their destination is the main focus. Actualizing your feelings can and should be done in a way that best benefits you. Don’t be so cerebral about how you choose to express yourself. You are hindered by language itself. You are stopped by your own intellect and vocabulary. Pay attention to what’s visceral for you. Let it out and use your own lexicon. Remember that honor comes from within. You are the driving factor, and you gift momentum to your self-esteem.

Conclusion:

With these five steps, I hope you have gained some footing to begin your honor journey. The journey will not be easy by any means, but it will be well worth it. You may also pass along your findings to others. This is one of those things where having companions can be beneficial.

For the peroration, I have dedicated a portion of this video to meditation. Listen to the sounds of an elementary art class and watch as I create some of my student’s favorite crafts. If you find some of them intriguing enough, feel free to follow along. Imagine yourself as a child enjoying class with your friends. Time travel to the past and bring back a joyous feeling to the present that will better the future!

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